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and i want to take back everything that i felt for others
that was meant for someone else
and give it back to where it was supposed to be
i didnt notice it though
the other deserves it more

who ever the fuck i am is changing again
im going to either be more cautious
or completely reckless and never get anywhere

the next person who fucks with me
i will have to apologize to
because i will take my anger out on them

taking my anger out on who it is directed to
is not socially acceptable

i need to pollute my body
now

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i just chose what i thought i wanted
instead of what i actually wanted and couldnt have
she remembered the dates
i didnt know
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self therapy+self medication=self happiness
talking to yourself+fooling yourself=self destruction
happiness≠self destruction
self destruction=emptiness
ah ha!
talking to yourself is happiness

i still love you
i wish we never met
i was better off
when i didnt believe in love
now i know its there
but i cant have it
i can only have part of it
part of me will always love you

you probably wont even read this
and its better you dont know

who the fuck reads this

easter sacrifice

my family had a nice day at my grandpa's house
when we got home we returned to a grateful wiggling dog
it was 7 and she usually gets fed at 3
we were gone for only 5 hours
so we fed her and as an added treat we gave her some left over ribs from our barbecue
she had a very scary ravenous look as she ate them
it was like we had been gone for days and she had turned wild
then we went into the back yard and...
well it was... gross
there was a pigeon, or what was left of it...
feathers and the feet and a little bit of meat and blood
but most of it had been completely consumed
sweet little thing...

sigh

why cant life be ok?
why does it have to be great or completely suck?
its like someone is fucking with me...
i know its me and thats the worst part.
i wish there was a reason.
chemical imbalance in the brain?
maybe its like that jim carrey movie
the truman show
everyone is watching him and fucking with him and laughing at him...

i found this picture on my desktop
it really cheers me up