new computer
all my files are gone
i will just start over

birthday was alright
shannon made me brownies
people feel obligated to tell me happy birthday
its ok if you dont say it
i will be ok i you dont acknowledge my birthday

i hate meat
i think i will eat nothing but lettuce for a while
lettuce and water and supplements

decemberists tomorrow

NEWS TO COME
no cameras
whatever

oh and
The Decemberists plan to tour in the spring, playing The Hazards of Love straight through for the show’s first half and older material for the remainder. "It’s intended to be performed all in one piece, but it’s not meant to be acted out," says Meloy.

top drawer- man man

You need a haircut
You need a shoeshine
You need aristocratic
glow-in-the dark erotic magnet

I know

You need a moped
Half-boy half-hostess
You need a black cadillac so death can drive him or ride in the back

I know

I am a smoke fire
Scared of holy water
People claim I'm possessed by the devil
But Mama, I know I'm possessed by your daughter

I know I've been told
I am dancing through

I am the top dog, top dog
Hot dog, hot dog

You need new body
You need a new latte
You need the lingering scent of holiday men doing hot pilate

I know

You cried "Wet cement!"
You love accidents
You wonder where true love went
'Cause a breeder in your bed don't butter your bread

I know

I am a smoke fire
Scared of holy water
People claim I'm possessed by your daughter,
But Mama, I know I'm possessed by a problem

I know I've been told

I'm passing through

I'm the top dog, top dog
Hot dog, hot dog

little

i remembered the first time i had a doubt of religion yesterday

i was about 6 or 7 i guess
it was the day of a baseball little league game
i was daydreaming the whole day
started off on the bench not batting
then in right field just looking up at the sky and the clouds and shit
i was staring at those little floater squiggly lines that you get
they reminded me of angels
and i looked at the clouds and there were these rays of light coming through
it reminded me of heaven or something
so after i asked my dad (who isnt very religious)
if that was what heaven looked like
he said yeah
so can we go to heaven on a plane, if its in the clouds
he said that heaven was higher up
in space?
no uhh ask your mother
where is heaven mommy
in another dimension
WTF
so at this point mind=blown
so i spent some time thinking about it
i asked how we get to heaven
she said by being a good person
no how do we get there
no one knows
so how do they know heaven exists
because the bible says it

at this point i didnt know it was a choice to not believe in god
but i never prayed again
at church i just put my hands together and didnt think
i always hated church because it was... you know, church
no one likes it
i never saw a reason to believe
i decided to not believe when i was a freshman and i had to do confirmation

religion killed my faith

my desktop cheers me up