little

i remembered the first time i had a doubt of religion yesterday

i was about 6 or 7 i guess
it was the day of a baseball little league game
i was daydreaming the whole day
started off on the bench not batting
then in right field just looking up at the sky and the clouds and shit
i was staring at those little floater squiggly lines that you get
they reminded me of angels
and i looked at the clouds and there were these rays of light coming through
it reminded me of heaven or something
so after i asked my dad (who isnt very religious)
if that was what heaven looked like
he said yeah
so can we go to heaven on a plane, if its in the clouds
he said that heaven was higher up
in space?
no uhh ask your mother
where is heaven mommy
in another dimension
WTF
so at this point mind=blown
so i spent some time thinking about it
i asked how we get to heaven
she said by being a good person
no how do we get there
no one knows
so how do they know heaven exists
because the bible says it

at this point i didnt know it was a choice to not believe in god
but i never prayed again
at church i just put my hands together and didnt think
i always hated church because it was... you know, church
no one likes it
i never saw a reason to believe
i decided to not believe when i was a freshman and i had to do confirmation

religion killed my faith